This Stain On My Hands
by Sakura Camui
Summary: Ed keeps seeing his sin, instead of realizing he has nothing to be sorry for. Yaoi. Elricest! Don't like, don't read. Drabble.


_**This Stain On My Hands**_

Edward looked over at his little brother from behind his book, trying to act like he was actually paying attention to his work. Al was busy writing, as usual. Ed saw his dark golden eyes start to lift up towards him and he quickly put his book up again, glaring at the printed type. How could he concentrate with Al sitting over there looking so ... so .. well ... completely cute and yet hot all at the same time?! Sighing for what had to be the millionth time that day, the blonde shifted around uncomfortably in his seat. It wasn't just that. He had been having such conflicting thoughts recently. Similar to the ones he used to have when he was younger ... when Al was still in the suit of armor. Of course these ones were a bit different, since now he actually knew his little brother felt the same way about him that he had felt since he was much younger. That despite being brothers, they were in love with each other. Now, Ed felt as if he were in heaven, if there ever were such a place.

But if he truely were in such a place, himself and Al wouldn't be stuck in Germany, and his own thoughts wouldn't be bothering him so much. Why did it take so much to overcome the feelings he couldn't seem to shake. He knew that love he held for Al won over any of his other thoughts and feelings but ... Overthinking things as usual, Ed snapped out of his thoughts when the book he was holding fell the floor, due to his negligence. He jumped for a second, looking over at Al, who was glaring at him. Then he saw the other boy was smiling and he just grinned back, picking the book up and trying to read it again. Or at least pretend to read it more effectively.

Before he knew it, Al had taken the book from his hands and set it aside and settled himself in his older brother's lap.

"Uh ... Al?"

The younger boy gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Brother, what's bothering you?"

"N-nothing."

"Ed, don't give me that."

"Really, Al, it's nothing." Ed tried to sound annoyed, but it was getting harder and harder for his tough act to be convincing.

Al just sighed in reply, snuggling against Ed's chest. "I know when something's wrong."

"Well ... that's true enough."

"Ed!"

"What?"

"Stop avoiding the subject!"

The older boy was silent for a few moments before mumbling. "You really wanna know?"

"Yes!" Al playfully bonked him on the head and smiled at him. "You can tell me anything."

"I just ... it was the same thing I was thinking a long time ago, Al. ... Back then, when we tried to transmute Mom ... I mean I really messed up. I messed up alot of times and ... Al, it's really all my fault your life was such hell. That you were stuck as a suit of armor. I screwed up so many times ... but you love me. Even though I don't deserve it. Even though we're brothers. Even though--"

Ed was stopped as two of Al's slim fingers brushed across his mouth. There was a bit of silence, Al still hiding his face against Ed.

"Alphonse?"

"Brother ... " With tears in his eyes, Al kissed Ed gently, holding his brother's face gently in his hands. "I wouldn't BE here if it wasn't for you. For everything you gave up for me. Things were meant to turn out this way for some reason ... that's what I believe. Don't keep beating yourself up over that after all these years. I love you, and that's all there is to it."

Ed stared for a moment before pressing his lips to his little brother's and holding him tightly. "I love you too, Al. I always will, I always always will."

"I know, Brother. Believe me ... I know." He patted Ed's automail arm with a soft smile and kissed Ed again.

Ed knew he had to stop worrying about such things. Why did Al always have to remind him of the most important things? His little brother loved him, and that was all he wanted and all he needed. And he really was happy with just that.

--

**A/N: **_I wrote this because I was inspired by a few lines from a song I like. I just kept thinking of how Al was in the armor and everyone kept talking about him not being a "real person" and all, but Ed knows he is. But he's still beating himself up over putting Al in that position in the first place, and he doesn't know why Al still loves him so much. It is a bit emo and OOC, but interesting, ne? :) BTW, the song is "Just Another Star" by **Bullet For My Valentine**. (Although the rest of the song pretty much has nothing to do with those few lines. xD)_


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